| This is where I will occasionally leave a few gaglines, anecdotes, a joke, or some news or personal observations. It will occasionally be stuff that I have written for various clients in the entertainment industry and I'm sharing it here with their kind permission. ======================================================================== Borrowed from Dale at BladeForums.com: "Don't bother making a product idiot-proof. They'll just come up with a better idiot." A few words of wisdom sent to me by my good friend Horace from the Tampa Bay area in Florida: 1. Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun. 2. Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live. 3. How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on. 4. Ever notice that the people who are late are often much jollier than the people who have to wait for them? 5. Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us. 6. If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing is free yet? 7. You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person. 8. Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened. 9. We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors...but they all have to learn to live in the same box. 10. Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler. 11. A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour. 12. Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open. One of my favorite "old jokes": A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die: "Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal he can take to work. And for dinner, prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as this could further his stress. Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Try to relax your husband in the evening by wearing lingerie and giving him plenty of back rubs. Encourage him to watch some type of team sporting event on television. And, most importantly make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely." On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?". "You're going to die," she replied. Like it or not, I have to take the blame (credit?) for the following: "I remember the first time I ever met my wife - I thought, wow, what a body! It was winter, freezing cold. She came into the room wearing a tweed coat - and I could see her nipples!" "Did you like the reality show 'Survivor'? The squabbling, the in-fighting, the nasty tempers, the racist comments, the horrible food? At our house, that's called a "family reunion". "I went to a really poor college in the South. We had a small marching band, but there was no budget left over for a cute, furry mascot. So we got a dead squirrel and flipped him over with a shovel in time to the music." "I am a big supporter of euthanasia research. Every month, I donate a lawyer." |
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